Nobody will ever make me laugh as hard as this video did. Whoever you are, thank you. ❤️

I once had a girlfriend who didn’t even try to make it work. Who left without explanation, who said she wouldn’t hurt me but did anyway. She confused me with stupid words. She was a bitch, she was mean, and she wouldn’t even smile for me- what did I even see in her?
One of the worst parts is knowing how badly he’ll talk about me to the next one that comes along.

I love you more than anything 
in the universe, and i want you 
to know that that includes little 
local coffee shops and stamps
 that can’t be found anywhere 
but old corner stores where 
they should be worth hundreds 
but they are sold for dimes and the
 tails airplanes leave when they
are chasing bigger things

and I hope you’re doing well,
i am doing the best that
 i can, especially on days when 
i feel as if i have poured rocks
 in through my ears and crawled 
in with my underwear for a ride 
in the washing machine.

i love you more than anything 
in this world and sometimes that’s 
a terrifying thing to feel because 
my heart’s less than one quarter of
 who i am and i feel so small sometimes 
and i wonder if maybe love is a 
concept created by companies that 
sell things made out of lace and
 latex and chocolate
and i’m scared
 that i’m going to wrap myself around
 you like a boa constrictor and swallow
you whole and i don’t think you’d like 
that much because it would take 
a long time to digest you and it would 
be very dark in there.

i love you more than anything in 
this whole country and i don’t mean to 
be unpatriotic but i don’t understand
politics but it’s getting late and i wish
you would come home now
come home because if you’re out 
of arms reach then you’re too far away 
and i am terrible at directions.

i thought i had been taking wrong turns
my whole life but i must have done
something right to have wound up
meeting you.

i love you more than anything in
this whole town and this town is where 
i was born and where i was raised
 and where my family lives and the
 reason i exist.
i owe everything i am
 to this town because it’s where my 
parents met and decided to have me
 and i’m thinking that i should thank
 them because that simple act 
is the reason i’m around to love you
 the way that i do, in ways where 
it feels like i’ve been laying down for 
sixteen hours and then i stand straight
 up and i black out for a good four 
or five seconds and i’m floating 
through space but things are okay 
because although i feel crazy and
dizzy and out of control, my feet are 
still firmly planted on the ground and 
i am here.

i love you more than anything in 
my whole house. i love you more than the
crappy art i’ve made that hangs 
half-finished on my walls and i love 
you more than my favourite food that
 sits tauntingly from my freezer and 
i love you more than the bathtub that 
allows me to have the bubble baths 
you and i adore so much and i love you
 more than the bed that hugs me 
tenderly every night.
you are my 
favourite piece of art and my favourite
 food and my favourite bath and my 
favourite bed and my favourite watch
 and i don’t care if it doesn’t make
 sense because you are my favourite 
everything and that’s what matters.

you are my favourite.

i love you more than anything that 
i have in me and everything i have to offer
 but i want you to know that i have
so much in me and i know you’re going
to pick through me bit by bit because
you are the one person that believes
there is a speck of gold amongst
 the dust and coal that i am and 
no longer wish to be